These imposed ‘Bank Holidays’ evoke a mixed response. The overworked and exploited amongst us may relish some time off; others may hate the lack of familiar structure and the reduction of contact with people – who are ‘off doing their own thing’ over Easter; and the self-employed, or those caring for others – whether animal or human – probably won’t even get a break. If all the Bank Holidays [Read more…]
I moved house last weekend – for the 12th time since I left ‘home’ nearly 40 years ago – and yet I’ve still not found my ‘home’.
I’ve never felt that I’ve had one, and I yearn to find it. What I’m looking for is a place to ‘belong’ – defined in my dictionary as ‘To be in the right place’.
Are you in the ‘right place’? If so, what makes it so? If not, what is still missing? [Read more…]
What meaning and associations does the word ‘Mother’ have for you?
Painful memories? Loss? Regret? Guilt? Love, care and support? Safety? Cuddles and understanding? Jealousy? Cruelty? Constraint or restraint? Longing?
There are many types of mothers on the maternal spectrum and their offspring live out their lives as a reflection of what they have absorbed from the [Read more…]
I’ve just been writing my blog (www.maxineharley.com) about my own recent experience of shame – and the memory of my former pride – about my body (following public exposure in a communal changing area); and it got me thinking about shame and how powerfully it effects us all. Shame is the ever-present threat that lurks around just waiting for an opportunity to render us a failure, defective, useless, disgusting or worthless. It has the power to [Read more…]
The news this week reported that an asteroid hit the Earth and another passed by very close to us (by cosmic standards), which got me thinking (and writing in my blog www.maxineharley.com) about the unpredictability and inevitability of our death; and more importantly how we might use this to focus upon making the best of the time we have left – however long or short that might be. We are of course all different and yet we share the same air, the same atoms, and often the same hopes, and ambitions. We come in a [Read more…]
Yes, it’s here again. Is it time to ‘do what’s expected’ of you?
Why do we do this on a designated day each year? How honest are we being?
There’s no escaping the commercial and emotional pressures to ‘purchase the gifts’ that are expected, but what does it say about your relationship? Is it based upon expectation and obligation, compliance with social norms, fitting in with your partner’s preferences about how you should ‘show’ your ‘love’ for them? Do you also have [Read more…]
When we chose to remain in the dark, and ignorant of what lies outside our own self-imposed dungeon, we rob ourselves of the light and energy that come from new knowledge and wisdom.If we aren’t curious about ourselves what else is there, as intriguing, to be curious about?
Some people focus upon the trivia, gossip and minutiae of life as a way of avoiding looking at themselves; others busy themselves taking care of the needs of others’ whilst ignoring their own needs; others may distract themselves from the pain of enquiry with lots of activities or even substance dependence; and others become engulfed in their own negative thinking patterns and suffocating moods. Where’s the vibrancy, attractiveness or use in any of that?
You are the only person who will never leave you so you might as well learn how to get along and even to like, respect and become best friends with yourself.There is so much that you could unearth about yourself, your past experiences – and more importantly the meanings you have given to these – which have in turn affected your motivation, your choices, and ultimately your level of happiness and success. Self-knowledge is empowering and it should therefore be important enough for you to want to find out more about who you are, and why. We all need the right opportunity for this to happen and to have a sensitive and guiding nudge in the right direction – and Psycho-Emotional-Education provides this.
Many people fear that they may find out something that would rock-the-boat of their comfortable predictable lives – I say “get that boat rocking”! You may only be living out a small part of your full potential.
If you don’t look you’ll never see and you’ll never be all that you could be!
Admittedly your sub-conscious mind set (which I call your SCRIPT – Sub-Conscious Rules Influencing Present Time – in my soon to be published book Into Minds – An introduction to Quantum Psyche Process) is running the show of your life over 90% of the time….doesn’t that intrigue you?
Do other people interest you too? They fascinate me!
Only this weekend I’ve been watching an amazing speech by a charismatic and influential animal rights activist called Gary Yourofsky, and a video called Earthlings. They have both had a profound impact upon me and have brought about significant change and greater awareness in me – despite the horrific subject matter. If we don’t take the risk of letting in the light – with some discernment it has to be said – we cannot become illuminated by the experiences, insight, knowledge and wisdom of those further along the way.
I felt physically sick, furious, and traumatised (see my blog today 10/2/13 on www.maxineharley.com) but I have to admit…..I was also curious. How could someone wilfully inflict terrible pain and suffering on another living being. Why couldn’t I do it? What was so different between me and the abattoir workers? Why would it be physically impossible for me to stamp on a calf’s head, or beat-up a cow, or maim a chicken or piglet? There must be something that makes this behaviour unthinkable to me yet ‘sport’ to someone else. There can only be one answer. The brain. Our brains are shaped by our experiences and beliefs and they can be reshaped by new learning, empathy training, trauma resolution, and regaining the innate human capacity for care, interest in others, respect, compassion and the desire to alleviate another’s suffering, and from simple acts of kindness. But first comes awareness. Awareness of what we do or allow others to do in our name. Awareness of our own power to make changes to the way things are, and to share our powerful knowledge and create a ‘RIPPLE EFFECT’ out into the world. When we clear away the crap from our lives we also change the way our brain, mind and body work. We can then generate a healthy positive ripple out to others, who are in turn affected by this and start to change themselves. It starts with one person – it could, and should, be you!
Please see our website www.the-ripple-effect.co.uk for more information about the eight-week group module called ‘Understanding Yourself’.
Maxine Harley www.maxineharley.com www.the-ripple-effect.co.uk
When’s the last time you felt in good health? Maybe like me your energy has steadily declined over the years – we all expect that to happen. What we don’t expect is for our health to be damaged by what we eat and drink – assuming we do this in moderation of course. Recent articles (see www.maxineharley.com/blog) show us just how much we are being assaulted by the cocktail of chemicals and poisons that we are exposed to…even in our so-called ‘healthy’ food options. No matter how health-conscious you are, your health, energy, vitality and longevity are being severely compromised…..and you’re paying for it with more than your life….you’re spending money to become ill!
What you consume, and digest/assimilate, is a real indicator of not only your physical and mental health, but also of your relationship with your body. How you nourish, respect, value and support your body tells the world what you think and feel about yourself. I’m not talking about the ‘ fake you’ – all covered up with cosmetics, designer labels and bling- jewellery; I mean the natural warts-and-all, real and good-enough you. We are all, thankfully, imperfect (that’s just one of the many things we all have in common) but we differ in how we take care of ourselves, and how much awareness we have of our own bodies.
What is going on in your left leg now as you read this? How about your right elbow? The middle of your back? At any given time your sub-conscious mind is bombarded with sensory information – too much for you to cope with or even to ‘notice’, and that’s fine. It only becomes ‘not fine’ when we then choose to further disregard, ignore or otherwise block-out from our awareness, what state our bodies are in; and we may even go as far as to treat our own body with disrespect, contempt and even loathing.
The state of your health, weight, energy levels, thoughts, moods and perceptions, hormones and digestion are all influenced by what is ‘coming-in’ from the outside of you, and also by what you generate from inside of yourself too – mainly from the type of thoughts you frequently have. You/we are composed mainly of empty space with a few chemical and electro-magnetic reactions going on. Everything you think, feel, say and do affects this. No-one else can make you feel better, or ‘worth-it’, in the long term – despite what the glossy adverts might have you believe. However we can all benefit from some impartial educational input, self-understanding, guidance and skills learning to be able to shift our relationship with ourselves, and to shift the excess weight, and to stop poisoning ourselves with junk food/thoughts/images.
If you want to have a better balance between your body, brain, mind and weight then a really good place to start would be to spend four hours of your time, and only a few pounds, attending a module entitled ‘How to balance your mind, body and weight’ from ‘The Ripple Effect’ Process. It’s time to stop focussing on quick fixes, fake-foods, marketing hype, and cheap gimmicks. Instead, it’s time to nurture the little child you once were who still lives inside you…and become your own wise and loving parent, and to develop a new healthy, affirming relationship with your own body and with your chosen future. Why wait?
I’ve just been writing about my own recent experience of anger (on my blog www.maxineharley.com) and this brought home to me just how important it is to understand anger – both in ourselves and others – and to take control of it, and diminish its power. That particular episode I wrote about today I have attributed to my menopausal hormonal imbalance – which is a new source of anger for me. I’m used to expecting my anger to arise only in predicatable situations such as slow queues, laptop malfunctions, smarmy sales staff, and the ‘big stuff’ of cruelty, exploitation, oppression and discrimination.
An ability to feel and express the early levels of anger is beneficial and necessary – your safety and personal boundaries depend upon it. However if allowed to build anger can grow into a grotesque monster that causes damage and destruction. It’s all very well receiving well-intentioned advice to stay calm, get things into perspective, take a few deep breaths, and recite a mantra or self-help affirmation….or even to bash your anger out onto pillows and cushions; but these won’t help you to control it. You can’t think, plan and take action when your brain has been hijacked and you are an emotional hostage. You have to learn how to become aware of what anger feels like as it grows inside you; you have to be ready to divert and soothe it in its early stages.
Unless your anger stems from chemical/hormonal imbalances, or brain damage, you will probably notice – if you allow yourself to become aware – changes in your bodily sensations and facial expressions, and non-verbal communications as you move from mild irritation to annoyance, to anger, and then to fury and rage. All have their own ‘feel’ about them. If you don’t diffuse the early stages they can accumulate and become stored – which is unhealthy for the mind and body – until they explode like a dam bursting; or equally bad implode into a collapse!
Have a think – whilst you are in your calm, adult, rational, sensible brain state – of the incidents that are likely to generate these different levels of anger in your mind and body. Notice how each level affects you and how you want to react. When you get up to the furious and raging levels it may not be possible to ‘think’ about it or give yourself an overview – because when these stages have taken hold in the past you would have been totally immersed in your emotional/limbic brain state of activity – and not have access to your thinking brain.
Our children, grandchildren, foster-children, step-children – in fact all children – need to see us model to them the ability to calm and soothe our own emotional state. That’s how they learn to do it for themselves, particularly if we can talk with them and help them to acess, name and understand their own emotional triggers and reactions. Society then benefits, and it starts with you and me…..hormones permitting in my case!
If you are snowed-in today and stuck indoors alone what are you making of it? Do you see it as a blessing or a curse? Whatever you create ‘out-there’ in your life can only ever be a reflection of what you carry ‘in-here’ – in the deeper levels of your ‘self’.
Will you be bored and looking for someone to ‘relate’ with, albeit virtually by using text or social media? Will you make a Skype call – to avoid being by yourself? Perhaps you will get busy with ‘jobs’ and your ‘to-do’ list; and fill any silence with loud music or the background drone of the television.
What would it be like for you to be alone in silence? Would you welcome it or dread it? Your response to this question is a reflection of your relationship with yourself….and how much you value your own company.
What type of dialogue do you have with yourself? Is it optimistic, upbeat, positive, and self-affirming; or is it the opposite – the type of head-heckling that drains your energy, makes you feel sad, resentful or angry; that spins you around until your thoughts make you dizzy and your body feels sick with it all?
The relationship you have with yourself affects the way in which you relate to everyone else – from your own children to a casual acquaintance….you create your own ‘Ripple Effect’ around you and it starts with you!
Only you can put your head under the water and take on the task of clearing out the debris and rubbish that has been dumped down there….only you can change the ways in which you speak to yourself….only you who can make the changes you want and need….and only you who has the courage to take the steps needed to do this.
Help is at hand…..you don’t have to go delving around in the murky depths of your soul to dredge up everything that ‘lies beneath’….that’s not necessary…..and months or years of therapy might not be necessary either!
The modules of ‘TREP’ offer you a guiding hand…to understanding yourself, to regulating your emotions and moods, to balancing your body chemistry and health, to having better relationships, to being more confident and assertive, to being happier…..to play and have fun – which was your natural state before the rubbish was dumped into your life.
Be your best ‘you’, and send out your best ripples…..reflect out to others your better relationship with yourself – whatever the weather!