I moved house last weekend – for the 12th time since I left ‘home’ nearly 40 years ago – and yet I’ve still not found my ‘home’.
I’ve never felt that I’ve had one, and I yearn to find it. What I’m looking for is a place to ‘belong’ – defined in my dictionary as ‘To be in the right place’.
Are you in the ‘right place’? If so, what makes it so? If not, what is still missing?
We all want to feel safe, to have a sense of ‘belonging’ and of feeling that we’re in the right place with the right people around us – people of our choice who are like-minded and good to be around. Anything else is a ‘making-do’ or a ‘settling-for’. I’ve never been good at ‘settling-for’. I suspect that very few of us have this sense of self-created ‘belongingness’ and we seldom chose who we spend our time with – as in the case of relatives, colleagues and friends-of-habit who we actually have little in common with.
The best I have achieved so far is to have found houses in which I can reside, and even spend lots of my time, physical effort, and money in altering, modernising or extending them; but they were still not ‘right’ and so became only temporary dwellings for me. Houses have caused me to lose any money I’d previously made on houses.
I am still looking for a ‘home’ – but I wonder if that’s just ‘all in my mind’, or indeed, if my mind is the very thing preventing me from finding what I consciously seek. If that were the case (and I now suspect it is) I can (professionally) deduce that this is due to my ‘lack of attachment’ to people, and places, since my very earliest days.
An early lack of security, safety, bonding, peace and acceptance has a profound effect upon a developing brain, and sets up – albeit sub-consciously – later expectations of experiencing the same deficiencies, again and again. The ‘prophecy’ is self-fulfilling – and yet not in the lease bit personally fulfilling.
I like my new house – but it isn’t the house of my dreams. It isn’t the house/home that I envisage living happily in longer-term; or the house/home about which I send out my intentional vibrational energy to the Universe for it to become ‘manifest in reality’. Sadly, in the ‘real’ 3-D world I ‘inhabit’ my dream house/home will require several hundreds of thousands of pounds to create – and that is where the dream gets a bit vague, and can start to vaporize!
Instead I must compromise and ‘cut my cloth’ accordingly – but the little girl deep inside me still nags at me to find her a real ‘home’…..I tell her I am doing my best, but am I? Perhaps I should have taken the route of some of my peers 30 years ago and found a wealthy man to marry and have children with; but not only did that not appeal to me (on the grounds of it being both manipulative and selfish) – no such ‘knight in shining armour’ actually appeared; or at least if he did, I didn’t allow myself to notice, or to trust, him.
So, instead it’s all down to me, as usual. But at least I can enjoy the successes, and learn from the non-successes (no mistakes, failures or regrets allowed) that I’ve expereinced along the way. I now know what my own ‘right place’ will look and feel like – and I’m determined to make it real!
To know what we want, what will make us happier, and where – and with whom – we belong, we must first know and understand ourselves. This task may well need some impartial guidance, so as to avoid our going around in circles as we try to find a way out of our inner maze.
The 8-week group (2 hours a week) ‘Understanding Yourself’ from ‘The Ripple Effect’ Process will give you the map and courage to find ‘you’, and guide you out of your maze, and help to find your very own place to belong – a place of your choosing….you’re own ‘right place’.
By Maxine Harley www.the-ripple-effect.co.ukwww.maxineharley.comwww.qpp.uk.com
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